prolong the glide.
It has been such a long time since I've written here that I have forgotten how to format posts. That is to say nothing of basically an abandonment of the concept. If anyone was really using this blog as confirmation of life, I wouldn't blame them for thinking I was dead.
Well, I'm not dead, fyi. I'm just gonna get that out of the way from the onset rather than it being the stinger at the very end. For anyone out there who has managed to read all seven (or I suppose eight, now) entries on this blog, I think that, while remaining vague for some reason, I've made it clear that it was born out of loss. Folks, I regret to inform you that since the last entry in May, there has been a lot more of that loss in my life. To the point where mentioning being dead (or not, but still) in the name of this thing just bums me out.
Too late to change it now.
There's nothing in particular I care to share today. But I just thought, words on the page are better than none. Perhaps. It took until mid-December to once again feel this way. Back to the initial concept. I was writing in my private journal about something as stupid as throwing away a bunch of water bottles I'd been using since October '23. They were getting gross.
Okay, okay, they had been gross for a while. I have a habit of just reusing “disposable” bottles forever rather than using nicer bottles intended for reuse. Of course, there's nothing stopping me from washing those disposable bottles like I would proper reusable bottles, except in my mind I keep thinking, “they're disposable, just recycle them when they get gross.”
Then two-plus years go by. I wrote in my journal, “time to let go.” And then I wondered how often I've felt that way in the past, oh, let's say 17 months. I thought about how, when I bought those bottles (I wrote the date on them so I wouldn't keep them for too long), everyone was still alive.
Well, not everyone. But those whose leaving inspired the creation of this blog.
Perhaps I'm not doing my mental condition any favors by using the passing of loved ones as the watermark in my life, even when it comes to dumb things like ownership of consumer products. Will I one day purchase a new refrigerator and reflect on how the old refrigerator was used by those who have died, and the new one will never feel their touch? Am I this completely insane?
Probably. Let's see how long I can stick with this. As I approach four decades spinning around our star, so much that felt constant and eternal in my life fades away or disappears. There remains at least one constant in my life, though. Starting a writing project (or any project, really), intending to work at it daily or thereabouts, and then promptly letting a year go by with half a dozen (or fewer) attempts. There are things we can still count on in this universe.
I am alive. Just so you know.