little cutie pie.
I'm determined to not let this year just slip by like 2025 in terms of writing. Or in terms of creative endeavors. Easy to say. “Determined.” A week's gone by, so we'll see. To be honest, I'm tired, it's late. It would be fun to close the tab and just play a video game for my last waking hour of the day.
Once again, though, I am driven to write by thoughts that bubbled up in my personal journal entry for the day. Realizing that recently I've fallen into this habit. Feeling out of gas at the end of the day and not really wanting to write, saying I'll do it tomorrow. But tomorrow, there will be something else to do; there always is. For this blog, then, or any of my creative projects, tomorrow never comes.
A very cliche thing, for sure. But, okay. I'll do it now. Do it today. At least for one day.
My thoughts keep swirling to the game yesterday. I watched it for a person who isn't here to watch it. I watched it even though I had no stake in it and at the outset honestly not even much of an interest in it. The game did get legitimately interesting, though, and by the end I was cheering out loud and hollering, yelling at the TV screen, clapping. Just generally making a fool of myself as I sat alone in the apartment. The neighbors must love me.
Afterwards, I wondered if that was some of you. In some way, you were watching with me, or perhaps I was even channeling your spirit somehow. I got caught up in it in a way that I really did not expect. And the ending, boy howdy the ending.
The feeling was truly bittersweet. At once I felt so elated that your team had won, after so many years. It happened, man. I felt happy for you. But it stung, stung deeply to realize that you weren't actually here to see it. If you'd only held on for a little longer, just a few more months, you could've seen this come to pass. My eyes teared up, although I did not cry.
But that's how it is for everyone though, in the end. You might've even responded to my thoughts, saying that nobody can stick around to see everything forever. Eventually, we miss out.
So I'm stuck with hoping that perhaps, beyond all logic, there is something beyond this. Some kind of existence, and maybe in some way, shape, or form, you saw what happened. That you knew they won and that you got to revel in the moment.
Later I had a discussion about this and other things with my sister. How we want to believe all of these thoughts about what is possible beyond this existence we know. It's a very 51/49 kind of thing, though, where our brains are just slightly more wired towards logic to really believe it.
I try to find the meaning in dreams even though I “know” there isn't really any.
Except that which we create. My sister had even less interest in this game than I, but everyone talking to her about it and what he would have thought about it at least got her to pull up the highlights online. Upon seeing the team logo, her kid said, “aww, look at that little cutie pie.” Neither my sister nor I understand how he could've possibly called that logo a little cutie pie.
Old man, you would've found the story funny. Maybe you do.